|the one talks
||[Oct. 12th, 2005|12:11 am]
I get these ideas in my head friends; “thoughts” is probably a better word.|
I wonder if what I'm doing is correct, like I don't belong in this way of life.
There's something for me to do, I just haven't figured it out yet.
My belief of fate is tricky. I do not believe that any actions are predetermined, yet I think that all actions lead in to what is. Fate; I know nothing of it.
I am my father’s son, but my father, how can he and I even be in any connection? I don't remember my parents being together, I don't think I've even seen a picture of it. Hah, it could all be false. No, no, it's not false; as much as I think I am not like my dad, I think I am.
What else am I though? My brother I asked him what his life is about, he told me money and success. I could not say the same; money when I think about it doesn't matter to me. I gave up money to do what I'm doing now, the ways I see to make money are at the expense of others. Yet like oxygen, we all need money to live; I don't remember oxygen splitting up families.
A woman once said to me "you're very confused" the context in which she meant it is not how I accepted it. I laugh at this remark, because it holds strongly in my mind; I am confused- A confusion where the only escape is acceptance.
I'm not misfortunate, I don't need help, my ideas are not worth fretting over. I write this because I'm just trying to help myself; in my love of helping others I must first be fit myself.
I dream often of leaving, leaving everyone and everything I know. Not to start new, but to just to manipulate what Josh Chase is.
The noise I hear, it changes me.